Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Mr. Guppy Goes Postal--Cash $$$ Reward For Guppy Fishing!!!

Well, well, well, our favorite recurring character, IBWO expert Mr. Guppy, has reappeared. Those of you who still read the BirdForum IBWO threads have probably noticed that Mr. Guppy has resumed posting there. His recent posts have been as long and as paranoid as ever, but there has been a definite improvement in his grammar and spelling. I don't know if his medication wore off last night or what, but late last night he finally blew another gasket.

See, late last night Mr. Guppy wrote another classic post about the four or five different locations in Florida where he has seen IBWOs since last year, how nobody listens to him, and he even threw in a totally unrelated story about his young daughter and a raccoon to garner some sympathy for his tale. The usual stuff. Anyway, at the end of his post, he said something like "and anyone who doesn't believe the woman who says she saw an Ivory-billed on a telephone pole near Tallahassee...up yours."

Well, that hacked off some reader named "IllinoisBirder" (note: we know who that is, but we're not telling), who then posted a short response, something along the line of "Very classy tmguy, but that's what we would expect from you."

So what was Mr. Guppy's response? Very simple: he called IllinoisBirder a pedophile. Yes, we're serious, he called him/her a pedophile. What kind a person gets into an argument over a woodpecker and calls the other person a *pedophile*?

The most amazing thing is that he actually spelled "pedophile" correctly.

Anyway, of course the whole exchange got deleted by the moderators, so virtually no one saw it, and now Mr. Guppy (as is his nature) is trying to pretend that *he* was the victim.

So we think it is time to have a little contest here. The contest will be to see who can annoy Mr. Guppy the most in the next few days. Here are the rules:

If you can get Mr. Guppy to threaten to sue you, you win $15 in Starbucks gift certificates.

If you can get Mr. Guppy to call you a pedophile, or compare you to bin Laden, you get $25...the $15 in Starbucks gift certificates, and another $10 in gift certificates to Amazon.com or some other online retailer.

If you can get Mr. Guppy to call you something *worse* than a pedophile (and we'll be the judge of what's worse!), you get $50: the $15 in Starbucks gift certificates, plus $35 in gift certificates to Amazon.com or some other online retailer.

Finally, if you can get Mr. Guppy to threaten to sue you, *and* call you a pedophile *and* call you something even worse (it has to be really bad!!!), you get the $50 as described above, plus at least two legitimate birding books, and anything else we have lying around the office. We will send you a whole bunch of shit, we promise. O r you can choose to have us donate $50 to the Nature Conservancy in honor of your deed.

There is only one winner, so whoever gets the biggest prize will be the winner. No prize for second place. We will be the sole judge as to whether the insult is real or fake. We know the Guppy well enough to tell a legit Guppy insult from a phony insult. You have to be polite to the Guppy, no vulgarity allowed. The trick is to be really really nice so you look innocent. Points for style, you know.

The contest will run until someone wins or we get tired of it, which will probably be about a week or so. IllinoisBirder cannot win unless he/she gets Mr. Guppy to call him/her something worse than pedophile.

Start fishing.

UPDATE: Mr. Guppy took down his fish pages a long time ago, but he now has pictures of Ivory-billed nest holes on his site. They are hidden a bit. Can you find them???

42 comments:

Stevev said...

Hi BNAC,

Do you have a transcript of the offending posts to Birdforum. Where on earth did the paedophile thing come from?

Birding is NOT a crime!!!! said...

Regrettably, no, I didn't think the mods would be so quick to delete it. I haven't been able to find it on Google, either, it probably wasn't posted long enough to get cached. If anyone has a copy, I'll post it.

Actually, there were a couple more posts that I myself didn't see. I think in one of them he claimed that someone from this site was e-mailing him that evening, which is simply not true...if we had done that, I can assure you the exchange would have been posted by now.

This is really a win-win situation. If tmguy is lying, well then of course he deserves to be called out by the birding community. If he's actually telling the truth, then he still deserves to be called out, because his failure to alert the proper authorities to the "location" of these birds could be contributing to their ultimate demise.

So there is a point (besides having a laugh) to what we're doing here.

Bill Pulliam said...

Beyond the fact that The Guppy is bonkers, he also subscribes to a fallacy that some other people over on birdforum have expressed: "They've been doing fine without us, just leave them alone." Even if The Guppy is actually a genius, not a basket case, and real female IBWOs do flawless impressions of decoys stuffed in scrub oaks and allow you to approach to within a few yards to snap a picture, well, what have we got, 12 birds, he says? In an area that once hosted thousands of them at least? By no stretch of even a deranged imagination is this species doing fine. It's clinging by a tattered thread. To paraphrase a slogan from another political battle, Secrecy = Extinction. How many Whooping Cranes would we have now if the location of the 11 surviving individuals had been kept as a personal secret of a couple of fishermen?

Birding is NOT a crime!!!! said...

I couldn't have said it better, Bill.

Brent B. said...

Listen to this hilarious post: "From Bill's perspective, why should he bother? He has already posted a clear photo of a female IBWO on his website, but those who are not convinced have widely dismissed it as being a decoy. The hard work and luck required to obtain more photos would no doubt be rewarded with more ridicule."

Birding is NOT a crime!!!! said...

Brent, good luck in the contest!!!

Brent B. said...

Thanks, happy to be in your so called "circle of cronies"

Birding is NOT a crime!!!! said...

"Circle of cronies"--that's perfect.

I'll put that phrase into the $25 category with "pedophile," if you can get him to use that phrase again you just might be a winner!

Rememebr, though, there can only be one winner, I'm not made of money here.

IBWO_Agnostic said...

TMGUY says this now:
"Regarding Tim's comment about my exchange with Illinois Birder, go to his blog, read it, and read the e-mails I get from him and his minion. Let my wife tell you about the phone calls we get at 4:30 am that the phone company has tracked to illinois."

Any idea were Illinois birder's blog is?

Birding is NOT a crime!!!! said...

You can probably find it in the same spot as Mr. Guppy's IBWOs...aka "Nowheresville." There is no IllinoisBirder blog, just like there are no 4 am phone calls.

Funny that Mr. Guppy is having the phone company track his calls, but apparently, the phone company can only tell him the state they came from, not the exact number. This is starting to sound like an old "Columbo" episode.

Maybe someone could invent technology that would allow someone to see the exact number of the person that is calling them. We could call it "Caller id" or something. That invention would sure make someone rich!!!

Anonymous said...

Personally, I can see the paedophile connection. The shameful bullying by birding-is-not-a-crime, bill pulliam, and brent b. (not to mention others contributing to another despicable blog) make clear that these dudes failed to learn to act like adults. They probably grew up bullying other boys and girls when they were young and probably retain their neotonic inclinations to this day. They certainly haven't grown out of their childish, taunting ways.

Birding is NOT a crime!!!! said...

Thank you sir, may I have another?

Anonymous said...

....paedophile...neotonic ...

My, aren't WE intelligent.

Birding is NOT a crime!!!! said...

Fortunately, I am not smart enough to be offended by words used by Cur...er, "Anonymous"...because I don't know what "neotonic inclination" means. But I bet it's really bad.

Anyway, that whole post is irrelevant, because the contest is to get Mr. Guppy to insult *you*, not me. (It would be cheating for me to win my own prize!!!) Unless William Smith is having a contest on his site to get people to insult me. Now *that* would be funny!

Anonymous said...

Neoteny = retention of juvenile traits into adulthood. I get it! Funny...and accurate!

Anonymous said...

Hey...I like the neotony/neoteny thing. Very clever. According to Wikepedia, it's the same as "paedomorphosis". Maybe William Smith mispelled what he meant to say after all. My wife thinks birders are full of themselves, especially with the way they assassinate each other's character. The one-upmanship thing. It truly is juvenile. She'll get a laugh over this...

Ohmygod!

Anonymous said...

"...and probably retain their neotonic inclinations to this day."

2 points
1) misspelled..should be neotenic
2) redundant..the definition includes retention

there are few things funnier than someone trying to be intelligent and failing miserably.

Why the name "Mr. Guppy"? I'm coming to the table late so I must have missed a few things.

Anonymous said...

C'mon now, Birdingisnotacrime! Get with it. You're note gonna sit back and take a jibe like "neotonic inclination" now, are you? C'mon, the trick now is to get you to insult *him* (Anonymous). Methinks you have fallen for your own game.

Birding is NOT a crime!!!! said...

The "Mr. Guppy" moniker comes from the history of the "billismad" site as a strange fish breeding web site:

http://birdingisnotacrime.blogspot.com/2005/12/credibility-what-would-you-think-if-i.html

Anonymous said...

Alright lets get off the neoteny thing. Back to the point. Bill Smith is totally bonkers because, after all Bill Pulliam, said so. Bill Pulliam can't be wrong. Hes an authority we all recognize and he cant be wrong. His judgments are right(eous).

Anonymous said...

Wow...that was sweet. And yet the folks on Birdforum are just so damn nice to him.

GOD, I LOVE THE INTERNET!

Anonymous said...

neotonic from "neo", or new, and "tonic", a restorative agent.

...and probably retain their neotonic inclinations to this day.

Hmmmm. Well it's odd for something retained to also be new, but it sounds to me like BINAC is a breath of fresh air. Good going, BINAC!

I have to read this blog more often. It's a keeper. (BTW, I follow both the Ivory-bill Skeptic blog and the BirdForum thread. Absolutely fascinating.)

Anonymous said...

breath of fresh air = blow hard?

Anonymous said...

Guppy (a stupid nickname) versus Axolotyl (a neotenic salamander, and an equally stupid but more applicable nickname)...is this what we really came here to read about? BINAC's trash talk and essentially all posts here have absolutely nothing to do with IBWO (or birds, for that matter) and everything to do with one insecure guy trying to pick an ill-advised fight with someone who may or may not have photographed a living IBWO, and others feeding off the stupidity of it all. If Bill Smith is as pathetic a human as you are making him out to be, why would you spend some much time and energy attacking him? Honestly, you are looking far more vile than he is. Why are birders full of cheap, ugly talk these days--on the blogs and the Bird Forum? Where has the civility gone? Step in, BINAC, and stop your inflammatory thread. Call off your sophomoric "challenge" and the dogs that roam with you. Do you really think you're winning any respect? If you have a wife or a mother, for God's sake, they'd be absolutely mortified to learn of your goading. Find something more productive and constructive to spend your energy on.

Anonymous said...

"Find something more productive and constructive to spend your energy on."

I suggest the same. Prove your ingeniousness with true insight, not personal attacks. It doesn't take brilliance to talk trash (and you, of all people, know this).

Bill Pulliam said...

My declaration of The Guppy's "bonkerishness" is based on his actions and statements, public and private, and the fact that his stories and pictures make ABSO-FREEKIN-LUTELY NO SENSE AT ALL. He has provided tons of material for people who wish to discredit all Ivorybill searchers and sighters and lump them/us with the Bigfoot and UFO communities. Sometimes I almost wonder if that is his true motivation. Remember when Penn and Teller (also magicians, hmmm...) faked a bigfoot video to show how gullible the cryptozoology community is? I've looked at his "full" picture and I still see a painted wooden decoy carved from a 4x4 (didn't ya wonder why the tail and head are all in such an unnaturally constricted straight line?) propped in a scrub oak and photographed from only a few feet away (look at the perspective and depth of field from foreground to background, that is not a telephoto shot, is is a full-frame image from about 5 feet away). The only reason I even get involved I this particular mess is that I think he is damaging to the efforts to document and protect real Ivorybills, wherever and however many they may be.

Maybe I'm wrong and everything he says, no matter how nonsensical it all seems, is actually 100% factual. I claim no pipeline to truth. But my strong assessment of the situation is that The Guppy is a hoax. I even see him incorporating tidbits into his increasingly detailed stories pinched from other (sincere) people's accounts: Feeding on the ground from Sheridan, bushy crests from Collins, etc. Hey, we all know how fiction writing works, right?

And why dn't ANY of you use your names? Are you all just so important and well-connected that you mus hide behind a mantle of secrecy, just like the dignitaries who post anonymously in Tom Nelson's blog?

I must be doing something right; I've had barbs thrown at me from both the Bird Forum crowd and The Ivory-bill Skeptic posse, who consider me to be one of the evil True Believers!

Excuse me while I go enable comment moderation on my own blog, where anonymous posts will not be allowed, by the way.

Thank you for your attention.

Anonymous said...

Hey Bill, you seem more conciliatory now. More character than I had thought.

Anonymous said...

Axolotyl...now there's an original nickname. Wonder if it will stick?

Anonymous said...

Didn't Bin Laden offer a cash reward to those willing to go after others who annoyed him? Very clever, original, and courageous methodology.

Birding is NOT a crime!!!! said...

Hey, bin Laden is a much better insult than neonatal or oxycontin or whatever.

So I'll add that to level two of the contest, the same level as "pedophile."

Mike's Soap Box said...

First of all I really do not understand why we are even wasting our time debating if the photo is a real female IBWO or a decoy.

I looked at the photo and is it just me but the bird in the photo doesn't have a pupil! It's all yellow or painted all yellow. The magicman forgot to add a pupil! On "Ivorybill Lives" Cyberthrush blog he also blogged about Guppy and added a link to a larger view of his female IBWO. On this link is where I notice there is no pupil on this woodpecker photo.

Also the tree looks like a citrus tree as I can make out some oranges on the branches.

I have no idea what this guy is like or what his agenda is but I am guessing is that he wants some press, some money, some attention, some love, some respect and some recognition. Didn't I read in this blog that that this guy also is a magician that goes to parties and performs for kids? There are two people in the world that people should never trust

1. The guy who drives around in a van selling ice cream to children.

2. Clowns, mimes and magicians that go to houses to perform for children.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I'll offer 25 seconds of silence to anyone who can elicit a response of annoyance from BINAC regarding his new nickname, Axolotyl (or applying the smears "neonatal or oxycontin or whatever"). Game?

Birding is NOT a crime!!!! said...

I hate them, you are mean, I am going to cry.

(OK, not really, but it was worth a shot to get you to shut up for 25 seconds!)

Actually, though, "Mexican Jumping Fish" is a pretty cool nickname.

Anonymous said...

Wow, how did all of this materialize? I did a big-time cringe when I saw the "goes postal" line, but with so many comments I thought I should check it out. Looks like enough people have had it with all the taunting and ranting and raving. For all of Birding is NOT a crime's efforts, it looks like Bill Smith has proven smarter and more mature and its looking increasingly like someone else has gone postal instead. Axolotyl, Mexican Jumping Fish, whatever, you really ought to crawl or leap out of this stagnant water. It really stinks here.

Anonymous said...

"Bill Smith" is a histrionic pathological liar with a paranoid persecution complex. What you think about him is a primo test of how well your bullshit detector is working.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous wrote: "Bill Smith" is a histrionic pathological liar with a paranoid persecution complex. What you think about him is a primo test of how well your bullshit detector is working.

Bill Pulliam wrote of Bill Smith: Beyond the fact that The Guppy is bonkers, he also subscribes to a fallacy that some other people over on birdforum have expressed: "They've been doing fine without us, just leave them alone."

The black-footed ferrets thought to be extinct but rediscovered in Wyoming some 20+ years ago were, in fact, doing very well on their own. The researchers, well-intentioned, had a dog with them that ultimately transmitted distemper to the ferrets, which was catastrophic to the small remaining population. Where is the fallacy in stating that a remnant population, having survived 60+ years since declared extinct, is doing well on its own? Just who is lacking a bullshit detector?

Anonymous said...

BINAC, looks like you need to let the professional IBWO skeptics do the bashing.

Anonymous said...

I've never looked at this blog until I saw it mentioned on Bird Forum. Regardless of whether Mr. Smith is telling the truth or perpetrating a lie (I'm not in a position to judge which), I think this contest to annoy Mr. Guppy is incredibly rude and uncivil--and a CRIME by my moral standards. Shame on you whoever you are...

METHINKS II

Birding is NOT a crime!!!! said...

Well, then, let us rejoice that CRIMES are not defined by your personal moral standards.

If there's one lesson we can take from all of this, its that most of the "True Believers" on BirdForum are thin-skinned and really really really need to lighten up. Get laid. Play with your Axolotyl. Or something.

But if you're so disgusted you want to keep on posting comments, go right ahead. Because we're just getting started.

Anonymous said...

What's this stupid Bill Smith obsession? Why can't you take on a big institution like Cornell? You obviously don't have the guts to do so, because you lack the intelligence that Tom you-know-who has.

Anonymous said...

Methinks II wrote: "I think this contest to annoy Mr. Guppy is incredibly rude and uncivil--and a CRIME by my moral standards. Shame on you whoever you are..."

Clearly, Methinks II has more class than the original version of Methinks, who excels only in vile attacks and undoubtedly condones BINACs disgusting behavior.

Birding is NOT a crime!!!! said...

Obsessed? Dude, you're the one reading this blog at 1:30 in the morning (I guess that's 11:30 Temecula time!) and leaving multiple comments pretending to be different people.

I will refer to my prior comment for some advice that just might be of use to you.