Well, well, well, our favorite recurring character, IBWO expert Mr. Guppy, has reappeared. Those of you who still read the BirdForum IBWO threads have probably noticed that Mr. Guppy has resumed posting there. His recent posts have been as long and as paranoid as ever, but there has been a definite improvement in his grammar and spelling. I don't know if his medication wore off last night or what, but late last night he finally blew another gasket.
See, late last night Mr. Guppy wrote another classic post about the four or five different locations in Florida where he has seen IBWOs since last year, how nobody listens to him, and he even threw in a totally unrelated story about his young daughter and a raccoon to garner some sympathy for his tale. The usual stuff. Anyway, at the end of his post, he said something like "and anyone who doesn't believe the woman who says she saw an Ivory-billed on a telephone pole near Tallahassee...up yours."
Well, that hacked off some reader named "IllinoisBirder" (note: we know who that is, but we're not telling), who then posted a short response, something along the line of "Very classy tmguy, but that's what we would expect from you."
So what was Mr. Guppy's response? Very simple: he called IllinoisBirder a pedophile. Yes, we're serious, he called him/her a pedophile. What kind a person gets into an argument over a woodpecker and calls the other person a *pedophile*?
The most amazing thing is that he actually spelled "pedophile" correctly.
Anyway, of course the whole exchange got deleted by the moderators, so virtually no one saw it, and now Mr. Guppy (as is his nature) is trying to pretend that *he* was the victim.
So we think it is time to have a little contest here. The contest will be to see who can annoy Mr. Guppy the most in the next few days. Here are the rules:
If you can get Mr. Guppy to threaten to sue you, you win $15 in Starbucks gift certificates.
If you can get Mr. Guppy to call you a pedophile, or compare you to bin Laden, you get $25...the $15 in Starbucks gift certificates, and another $10 in gift certificates to Amazon.com or some other online retailer.
If you can get Mr. Guppy to call you something *worse* than a pedophile (and we'll be the judge of what's worse!), you get $50: the $15 in Starbucks gift certificates, plus $35 in gift certificates to Amazon.com or some other online retailer.
Finally, if you can get Mr. Guppy to threaten to sue you, *and* call you a pedophile *and* call you something even worse (it has to be really bad!!!), you get the $50 as described above, plus at least two legitimate birding books, and anything else we have lying around the office. We will send you a whole bunch of shit, we promise. O r you can choose to have us donate $50 to the Nature Conservancy in honor of your deed.
There is only one winner, so whoever gets the biggest prize will be the winner. No prize for second place. We will be the sole judge as to whether the insult is real or fake. We know the Guppy well enough to tell a legit Guppy insult from a phony insult. You have to be polite to the Guppy, no vulgarity allowed. The trick is to be really really nice so you look innocent. Points for style, you know.
The contest will run until someone wins or we get tired of it, which will probably be about a week or so. IllinoisBirder cannot win unless he/she gets Mr. Guppy to call him/her something worse than pedophile.
UPDATE: Mr. Guppy took down his fish pages a long time ago, but he now has pictures of Ivory-billed nest holes on his site. They are hidden a bit. Can you find them???