We are esteemed representatives of the most glorious former socialist satellite Soviet republic called Hungary.
We inform you now that the capitalist swine you call BINAC has been captured by glorious forces of allies of Mother Russia.
This swine BINAC has been taken to our Parliament,
where our leaders have tortured this BINAC until our peoples representatives learned the secrets of the Amerikan top secret rekreational vehicle.
We now have this BINAC in an inpenetrable and inpregnable castle that cannot be penetrated.
Unlike our local socialist prostitutes, this castle cannot be penetrated or impregnated.
We will be holding this fiend until you pay our ransom of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS. We also require secret information about the other Amerikan birder we know only by his secret code name, MR. GUPPY.
If this BINAC means nothing to you, you will not pay this exorbitant sum.
But we want you to pay, so we can purchase women and cheap vodka.
To show we are serious, here is evidence of this Amerikan top secret telescopic device, captured from the spy BINAC, a device which has now volunteeringly defected to our glorious cause: