Dick Hollins IBWO Diary: Day 4

Dear Diary:


My pelvis is already healing. Most people would need weeks or even months for a broken pelvis to heal, but I went to Yale and have a high tolerance for pain. The only downside is that I now may be sterile, but that's a small price to pay for saving a species from the brink of extinction.

I want to make a statement about some of the comments that have been made in response to my prior diary entries. First, only an idiot spends their time talking about birds on the Internet. I don't waste my time like others do on pointless endeavors such as that. Second, what kind of person writes anonymous posts on the Internet? To this person calling himself "Mike Hendrickson" I only have one word: You're an idiot. Why don't you post under your real name? Do you think my Dick's Diary is funny? Do you think the destruction of a noble species by the ornithological community is funny? Neither are funny. What I write is not intended for your petty amusement, it is intended only for serious researchers. If you have not seen an Ivorybill, you are an idiot and cannot possibly understand what I am talking about, and you are not welcome here.

To Cybertrash: You are welcome. Thank you for the clarification, and I apologize for your misunderstanding. I have been off of my medication since I injured my pelvis, and I just haven't been thinking straight lately. There are so few resources available to save the Ivorybill ($27 million is paltry compared to what NASA spends every year) that we should not be fighting amongst ourselves. I accept your apology.

Back to the matter at hand: My conversation with Geoff Hill. As you know, Hill is an ornithologist/birder with some ability. While I have mocked most of the ornithological and birding community, I respect Geoff, as he is not like most of the ornithological/birding community. He actually believes me, so he must be pretty smart. I know he's at Auburn now, but I believe it's possible he might have done his undergraduate work at Yale.

Here is what Geoff said to me: "Dick, you have the best evidence that I have seen for the continued existence of the Ivory-billed Woodpecker. Better than those boobs at Cornell, and better than our paltry efforts here in the Częstochowa." I know he was sincere, because when he used the words "best" and "evidence" he made "finger quotes" around both of those words. He also winked at the end of his endorsement. Geoff also said something to the effect that my evidence was simply unebilevable (I hear that word a lot!), and that he knew that no one else could ever reach my level of achievement.

Until next time, keep thinking of Dick!