Friday, October 12, 2007

Ivory-Billed Searcher's Blog: Day One

*Note:* We here at BINAC are pleased to present a special guest blogger, Dick Hollins.

Dick is the world's second most-accomplished IBWO researcher. Every now and then Dick will let us into his world by providing us with *exclusive* entries from his IBWO Search Diary. Here is his first entry for the 2007-08 season:

Dear Diary:
Today was another tough day in the swamp. I know that everybody doubted that I could find an Ivorybill in a one-acre swamp next to the parking lot of a Wal-Mart in Missouri, but that's because everyone is an idiot except for me. Remember, I have an undergraduate degree from Yale in sociology, and although I couldn't get into Yale for grad school, I did receive my doctorate in Russian from Cleveland State. You can't possibly understand how smart that makes me, largely because you are so stupid.
I have now seen Ivorybills in fourteen states and two Canadian provinces. Today I was speaking with Gary Graves, who is a janitor at the Smithsonian, and he agrees that it is unbelievable that I am the only person to have seen Ivorybills in fourteen states. He kept on saying that it was unbelievable. At least someone realizes how important my research is to the survival of the species--the human species, that is.
It continues to amaze me how stupid birders are. Except for me, of course, I consider myself to be more of a savant than a birder. I guess the more precise term would be a non-idiot savant, if there is such a thing.
In my next entry I hope to talk more about why Popular Mechanics will not publish my research. They are such idiots. It is a conspiracy of immense proportions. If you're lucky, I might also expose David Sibley for the fraud that he is. That guy is so stupid and knows next-to-nothing about bird identification.
I am also working on a digital camera that can be attached to a dragonfly. More on that in my next entry.
Good Searching,
Dick Hollins

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to hear more about your important work. Dirty skeptics just can't understand how difficult it is to find this bird now that it has evolved to avoid cameras and hunters by mimicking Pileated Woodpeckers. Keep up the good work and we'll have that blurry pixelated photo yet, even though the only thing skeptics will believe is a pile of bleeding IBWOs kenting their last feeble death kents.