We're sweating it out in the hot summer sun, while most of our readers are freezing their arses off!
Hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!
And we know what we want for Christmas:
Umm, we want the chick, not Dee Snider!
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
The Missing Link!!!
Now we remember why we hate the Wisconsin Humane Society so much. They support free-roaming feral cat colonies!
Why?
And, in a massive stroke of luck, we have finally been able to link the WHS/Mango debacle with the Jim Stevenson trial:
Don't shoot my pussy!!!
At some point, we envision holding a fundraiser to buy Jim Stevenson a plane ticket to Milwaukee, but that is only a long-range plan.
Since Jim Stevenson has also seen an Ivory-billed Woodpecker, this story is now the Holy Trinity of bird blogging!!!
Why?
And, in a massive stroke of luck, we have finally been able to link the WHS/Mango debacle with the Jim Stevenson trial:
Don't shoot my pussy!!!
At some point, we envision holding a fundraiser to buy Jim Stevenson a plane ticket to Milwaukee, but that is only a long-range plan.
Since Jim Stevenson has also seen an Ivory-billed Woodpecker, this story is now the Holy Trinity of bird blogging!!!
What the *FUCK* is the Wisconsin Humane Society doing???
OK, now that Jim Stevenson has been freed (through no help from us, we sort of abandoned him, but we'll take credit anyway), the Mango is next on our list.
We were checking out some updated versions of stories on the Mango's birdnapping and found some bizarre quotes from our Moron of the Week, Scott Diehl:
"The Wisconsin Humane Society has rehabilitated baby mockingbirds from Texas and infant ground doves from Florida that ultimately were returned to their home states..."
Where, exactly, did the WHS get an "infant ground dove" from? And baby mockingbirds from "Texas"? What kind of mockingbird would have to be released in Texas? You certainly wouldn't have to release a Northern Mocker that far south. (And please don't fucking tell us Blue Mockingbird, because if the WHS is releasing Blue Mockingbirds in Texas, they have got a lot of 'splaining to do.)
According to some comments floating out there at various places on the 'net (including Sheri Williamson's blog), the WHS has also in the past captured Rufous Hummingbirds.
What the fuck are they doing up there in Wisconsin? Seriously, has the WHS really been capturing multiple vagrants over the past few years? Under what permit were they capturing Rufous Hummingbirds? Because those are clearly protected by the MBTA, right?
Still no response from the Wisconsin DNR.
And no response from the gutless wonders at the Wisconsin Humane Society. They seem to have "lawyered up."
We were checking out some updated versions of stories on the Mango's birdnapping and found some bizarre quotes from our Moron of the Week, Scott Diehl:
"The Wisconsin Humane Society has rehabilitated baby mockingbirds from Texas and infant ground doves from Florida that ultimately were returned to their home states..."
Where, exactly, did the WHS get an "infant ground dove" from? And baby mockingbirds from "Texas"? What kind of mockingbird would have to be released in Texas? You certainly wouldn't have to release a Northern Mocker that far south. (And please don't fucking tell us Blue Mockingbird, because if the WHS is releasing Blue Mockingbirds in Texas, they have got a lot of 'splaining to do.)
According to some comments floating out there at various places on the 'net (including Sheri Williamson's blog), the WHS has also in the past captured Rufous Hummingbirds.
What the fuck are they doing up there in Wisconsin? Seriously, has the WHS really been capturing multiple vagrants over the past few years? Under what permit were they capturing Rufous Hummingbirds? Because those are clearly protected by the MBTA, right?
Still no response from the Wisconsin DNR.
And no response from the gutless wonders at the Wisconsin Humane Society. They seem to have "lawyered up."
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Speaking of being held in captivity...
...apparently Jim Stevenson is on trial right now in Galveston. He might get two years for doing something that isn't even illegal!!!
But, honestly, we're going to see a Jacana tomorrow, so we don't really care!
But, honestly, we're going to see a Jacana tomorrow, so we don't really care!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Letter to the Wisconsin DNR regarding the Green-breasted Mango
Date: Tue, 13 Nov 2007 19:55:15 -0800 (PST)
From: birdingisnotacrime@yahoo.com
Subject: Tip on wild bird capture
To: LE.Hotline@dnr.state.wi.us
CC: lawreception@illinois.gov
Dear Wisconsin DNR:
We wish to make an anonymous tip regarding an illegal capture of a migratory wild bird.
Sometime on or before November 7, 2007, representatives of the Wisconsin Humane Society illegally captured a healthy and wild bird, specifically a Green-breasted Mango that had been safely living near Beloit for at least several weeks.
We submit that this capture was performed without the proper federal permit, in violation of the Migratory Bird Treaty Act. Regardless of the position taken by the Humane Society, Green-breasted Mango fits all of the statutory requirements for protection by the MBTA, and is therefore protected by federal law.
We also submit that the capture violated Wisconsin state law. We assume that you are well-versed in Wisconsin law regarding wildlife rehabbers. For your convenience, we have included the relevant statutory section below. In brief, Wisconsin law specifically provides that a "wildlife rehabilitation license does not authorize the capture, receipt, possession, traansportation, or transfer of wildlife for any purpose other than wildlife rehabilitation." Since this bird was, as the Humane Society has admitted, completely healthy, was never rehabilitated, and was in fact recently used in conjunction with a prearranged "media opportunity," its capture was "for [a] purpose other than wildlife rehabilitation," and the Society's capture, possession, transportation, and transfer of the bird was in violation of Wisconsin law.
The bird has now been transported across states lines to the Brookfield Zoo in Illinois. We also ask that you consult with the Illinois DNR to inform them of this situation.
We trust that you will take your duty to investigate crimes involving wildlife seriously and will investigate this matter promptly. The illegal capture of the Green-breasted Mango should be treated no differently than the taking or poaching of any other wild animal that is prohibited by law. To allow the Society to evade legal liability based on their argument that it was "helping" the bird by capturing it was set a terrible precedent, and could be used by any poacher to justify their actions as being in the "best interests" of wildlife. The DNR has a duty to enforce the law uniformly, and to treat this unlawful capture in the same manner it would treat any other illegal capture of a wild animal.
We are also copying the Illinois DNR to inform them of this potential violation of Wisconsin law, and to inform them that the subject bird has now been transported into Illinois.
The text of the relevant Wisconsin law is as follows:
NR 19.72 General wildlife rehabilitation provisions.1) The title to all wildlife and their offspring heldunder a wildlife rehabilitation license remains under the jurisdiction of the department as described in s. 169.02, Stats., and may not be sold, traded or bartered without the consent of the department.2) The department may restrict wildlife rehabilitation of specific wildlife species, either statewide or in certain geographic areas to control the spread of disease, to protect public health or to prevent harmful environmental impacts.(3) The department may restrict wildlife species authorized for rehabilitation based on the facilities and qualifications of the applicant or licensee.(4) A wildlife rehabilitation license does not authorize the capture, receipt, possession, transportation or transfer of wildlife for any purpose other than wildlife rehabilitation.
From: birdingisnotacrime@yahoo.com
Subject: Tip on wild bird capture
To: LE.Hotline@dnr.state.wi.us
CC: lawreception@illinois.gov
Dear Wisconsin DNR:
We wish to make an anonymous tip regarding an illegal capture of a migratory wild bird.
Sometime on or before November 7, 2007, representatives of the Wisconsin Humane Society illegally captured a healthy and wild bird, specifically a Green-breasted Mango that had been safely living near Beloit for at least several weeks.
We submit that this capture was performed without the proper federal permit, in violation of the Migratory Bird Treaty Act. Regardless of the position taken by the Humane Society, Green-breasted Mango fits all of the statutory requirements for protection by the MBTA, and is therefore protected by federal law.
We also submit that the capture violated Wisconsin state law. We assume that you are well-versed in Wisconsin law regarding wildlife rehabbers. For your convenience, we have included the relevant statutory section below. In brief, Wisconsin law specifically provides that a "wildlife rehabilitation license does not authorize the capture, receipt, possession, traansportation, or transfer of wildlife for any purpose other than wildlife rehabilitation." Since this bird was, as the Humane Society has admitted, completely healthy, was never rehabilitated, and was in fact recently used in conjunction with a prearranged "media opportunity," its capture was "for [a] purpose other than wildlife rehabilitation," and the Society's capture, possession, transportation, and transfer of the bird was in violation of Wisconsin law.
The bird has now been transported across states lines to the Brookfield Zoo in Illinois. We also ask that you consult with the Illinois DNR to inform them of this situation.
We trust that you will take your duty to investigate crimes involving wildlife seriously and will investigate this matter promptly. The illegal capture of the Green-breasted Mango should be treated no differently than the taking or poaching of any other wild animal that is prohibited by law. To allow the Society to evade legal liability based on their argument that it was "helping" the bird by capturing it was set a terrible precedent, and could be used by any poacher to justify their actions as being in the "best interests" of wildlife. The DNR has a duty to enforce the law uniformly, and to treat this unlawful capture in the same manner it would treat any other illegal capture of a wild animal.
We are also copying the Illinois DNR to inform them of this potential violation of Wisconsin law, and to inform them that the subject bird has now been transported into Illinois.
The text of the relevant Wisconsin law is as follows:
NR 19.72 General wildlife rehabilitation provisions.1) The title to all wildlife and their offspring heldunder a wildlife rehabilitation license remains under the jurisdiction of the department as described in s. 169.02, Stats., and may not be sold, traded or bartered without the consent of the department.2) The department may restrict wildlife rehabilitation of specific wildlife species, either statewide or in certain geographic areas to control the spread of disease, to protect public health or to prevent harmful environmental impacts.(3) The department may restrict wildlife species authorized for rehabilitation based on the facilities and qualifications of the applicant or licensee.(4) A wildlife rehabilitation license does not authorize the capture, receipt, possession, transportation or transfer of wildlife for any purpose other than wildlife rehabilitation.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Why the Wisconsin Humane Society's Illegal Seizure of the Green-Breasted Mango is Important
It is simply amazing that the Wisconsin "Humane" Society is turning the illegal capture of this hummingbird into a media frenzy.
Maybe one of the esteemed journalists present at this circus could have taken the time to ask Scott Diehl under what legal authority he captured the bird?
Because, you see, the precedent has now been set. According the the Wisconsin Humane Society, any healthy bird can now be taken from the wild without a permit as long as it's not on the "approved" list of species that are covered by the MBTA.
We're gonna go find us a Blue Bunting or a Bahama Mockingbird to shoot because according to Scott Diehl, that's not illegal! How about capturing a Roadside Hawk? Anybody want a Fan-Tailed Warbler for a pet? How about your own Thick-Billed Vireo?
We, as birders, cannot let them get away with this. It strikes at the very core of why we bird, and while this might seem harsh with respect to this particular bird, it will *save* more birds in the long run if we respect the MBTA instead of trying to avoid it using a technicality.
Wisconsin Humane Society, are you out there? Do you have a response?
Most importantly, do you have a lawyer?
We do.
P.S. If this bird is shipped across state lines to the Brookfield Zoo that could be construed as a RICO violation...
Maybe one of the esteemed journalists present at this circus could have taken the time to ask Scott Diehl under what legal authority he captured the bird?
Because, you see, the precedent has now been set. According the the Wisconsin Humane Society, any healthy bird can now be taken from the wild without a permit as long as it's not on the "approved" list of species that are covered by the MBTA.
We're gonna go find us a Blue Bunting or a Bahama Mockingbird to shoot because according to Scott Diehl, that's not illegal! How about capturing a Roadside Hawk? Anybody want a Fan-Tailed Warbler for a pet? How about your own Thick-Billed Vireo?
We, as birders, cannot let them get away with this. It strikes at the very core of why we bird, and while this might seem harsh with respect to this particular bird, it will *save* more birds in the long run if we respect the MBTA instead of trying to avoid it using a technicality.
Wisconsin Humane Society, are you out there? Do you have a response?
Most importantly, do you have a lawyer?
We do.
P.S. If this bird is shipped across state lines to the Brookfield Zoo that could be construed as a RICO violation...
Thursday, November 08, 2007
OK, we're bored, so here is an entertaining post from TEXBirds about Jim Stevenson being banned
-----Original Message-----From: Birding discussion list for Texas [mailto:[log in to unmask]] OnBehalf Of B SmithSent: Monday, September 24, 2007 2:52 PMTo: [log in to unmask]Subject: [TEXBIRDS] TEXBIRDS]
Jim Stephenson's disappearance---> Texbird help file http://www.texbirds.org <---
While people are discussing their attitudes about Texbirds, there'ssomething I'd like to say about a topic that I have been learning somethingabout. It is the matter of Jim Stephenson being banned from Texbirds for'threatening' Susan Schaezler. Maybe other people are scared of either Mr.Sarkozi or Ms. Schaezler, and afraid to speak up, but I think this needs tobe said.
I have spoken to Jim at length, verified his claims, and whilereceiving no pressure to place this on Texbirds from him, when my postoffice box gets invaded by her poison, it's time to speak up. Jim seems tohave adopted a disturbingly ambivalent attitude about this, and says hisassistant posts relevant GOS information. What doesn't get posted, though,is his occasional commentaries on Texas birds.
This whole mess began on what was apparently an otherwise great Alaskantrip, with problems with Susan Schaezler. I don't want to go into that, butshe came away from the trip claiming to have dental work required.Participants tell me there was no cause for this, she brought a tooth repairkit with her, and they feel any dental issues likely preceded the trip. ThatJim had four cracked ribs (as she reported to Texbirds without hispermission), it seems unlikely his driving hit too many bumps, andparticipants certainly deny he did. According to Jim, she wanted to make a claim against their carinsurance in Alaska, but he didn't wish to be complicit in insurance fraud.Upon making that decision, Susan did what she has done before; make personaland professional attacks. Jim pointed this one out to
me:http://www.humanticsfoundation.com/threats.htm
A quick Google of her willreveal a sad past of such attacks. I discovered several attacks she made against Jim on Texbirds, of whichMr. Sarkozi seemed oblivious. Worse, she began sending 'adjusted' clippingsabout him out of newspapers to many people who knew him, often under thealias of "Alex Jones." She is also feeding any dirt she can find on him tothe prosecutor in the infamous cat case we are not supposed to discuss. Butwhen I received a letter from her, that made it my business.
How did she have my address you ask? While Jim was taking Alaskaparticipants on long walks, Susan always stayed behind, and apparently shedownloaded all GOS addresses from his laptop to hers! She hasn't even deniedit! Isn't that illegal??
While her July attacks were going on, Jim called a lady he saw listedon Google named Merl Jeffcoat, who has a positive relationship with Susan.He saw some bird he felt was worth reporting to Texbirds, and mentioned thathe had been talking to her. That was his last Texbird post. Susan claimedto Mr. Sarkozi that Merl was an adversary, which threatened her, and Mr.Sarkozi took Susan's word for it and banned Jim. The truth is, SS and Merlare now FRIENDS, so all this threatening stuff is a lot of crud.
With all the attacks Susan made against Jim, and with how subtly Jimfinally responded, I think David kicked the wrong person off Texbirds.
For myself, I have had enough of Texbirds. Jim's suggestion on a GOSfield trip actually got me on in the first place, and I don't want to be apart of it anymore.
B SmithHouston
Jim Stephenson's disappearance---> Texbird help file http://www.texbirds.org <---
While people are discussing their attitudes about Texbirds, there'ssomething I'd like to say about a topic that I have been learning somethingabout. It is the matter of Jim Stephenson being banned from Texbirds for'threatening' Susan Schaezler. Maybe other people are scared of either Mr.Sarkozi or Ms. Schaezler, and afraid to speak up, but I think this needs tobe said.
I have spoken to Jim at length, verified his claims, and whilereceiving no pressure to place this on Texbirds from him, when my postoffice box gets invaded by her poison, it's time to speak up. Jim seems tohave adopted a disturbingly ambivalent attitude about this, and says hisassistant posts relevant GOS information. What doesn't get posted, though,is his occasional commentaries on Texas birds.
This whole mess began on what was apparently an otherwise great Alaskantrip, with problems with Susan Schaezler. I don't want to go into that, butshe came away from the trip claiming to have dental work required.Participants tell me there was no cause for this, she brought a tooth repairkit with her, and they feel any dental issues likely preceded the trip. ThatJim had four cracked ribs (as she reported to Texbirds without hispermission), it seems unlikely his driving hit too many bumps, andparticipants certainly deny he did. According to Jim, she wanted to make a claim against their carinsurance in Alaska, but he didn't wish to be complicit in insurance fraud.Upon making that decision, Susan did what she has done before; make personaland professional attacks. Jim pointed this one out to
me:http://www.humanticsfoundation.com/threats.htm
A quick Google of her willreveal a sad past of such attacks. I discovered several attacks she made against Jim on Texbirds, of whichMr. Sarkozi seemed oblivious. Worse, she began sending 'adjusted' clippingsabout him out of newspapers to many people who knew him, often under thealias of "Alex Jones." She is also feeding any dirt she can find on him tothe prosecutor in the infamous cat case we are not supposed to discuss. Butwhen I received a letter from her, that made it my business.
How did she have my address you ask? While Jim was taking Alaskaparticipants on long walks, Susan always stayed behind, and apparently shedownloaded all GOS addresses from his laptop to hers! She hasn't even deniedit! Isn't that illegal??
While her July attacks were going on, Jim called a lady he saw listedon Google named Merl Jeffcoat, who has a positive relationship with Susan.He saw some bird he felt was worth reporting to Texbirds, and mentioned thathe had been talking to her. That was his last Texbird post. Susan claimedto Mr. Sarkozi that Merl was an adversary, which threatened her, and Mr.Sarkozi took Susan's word for it and banned Jim. The truth is, SS and Merlare now FRIENDS, so all this threatening stuff is a lot of crud.
With all the attacks Susan made against Jim, and with how subtly Jimfinally responded, I think David kicked the wrong person off Texbirds.
For myself, I have had enough of Texbirds. Jim's suggestion on a GOSfield trip actually got me on in the first place, and I don't want to be apart of it anymore.
B SmithHouston
Wisconsin Humane Society Illegally Captures Our Mango!
Well, it took a few minutes, but the shit has hit the proverbial fan regarding the capture of the healthy and wild Green-Breasted Mango in Wisconsin. Check out HumNet for the most well-informed discussion you will see on this issue.
We note that the Wisconsin Humane Society has violated state and probably federal law by capturing this hummer. First, the capture likely violates the Migratory Bird Treaty Act. Some people have noted that the GB Mango is "not protected" by the MBTA, but it is the statute -- not the accompanying regulations -- that govern what is or is not protected by the MBTA.
Second, the following Wisconsin law governs the capture of wild animals, including birds:
NR 19.72 General wildlife rehabilitation provisions.
1) The title to all wildlife and their offspring held
under a wildlife rehabilitation license remains under the jurisdiction of the department as described in s. 169.02, Stats., and may not be sold, traded or bartered without the consent of the department.
2) The department may restrict wildlife rehabilitation of specific wildlife species, either statewide or in certain geographic areas to control the spread of disease, to protect public health or to prevent harmful environmental impacts.
(3) The department may restrict wildlife species authorized for rehabilitation based on the facilities and qualifications of the applicant or licensee.
(4) A wildlife rehabilitation license does not authorize the capture, receipt, possession, transportation or transfer of wildlife for any purpose other than wildlife rehabilitation.
We note that the Wisconsin Humane Society has violated state and probably federal law by capturing this hummer. First, the capture likely violates the Migratory Bird Treaty Act. Some people have noted that the GB Mango is "not protected" by the MBTA, but it is the statute -- not the accompanying regulations -- that govern what is or is not protected by the MBTA.
Second, the following Wisconsin law governs the capture of wild animals, including birds:
***
NR 19.72 General wildlife rehabilitation provisions.
1) The title to all wildlife and their offspring held
under a wildlife rehabilitation license remains under the jurisdiction of the department as described in s. 169.02, Stats., and may not be sold, traded or bartered without the consent of the department.
2) The department may restrict wildlife rehabilitation of specific wildlife species, either statewide or in certain geographic areas to control the spread of disease, to protect public health or to prevent harmful environmental impacts.
(3) The department may restrict wildlife species authorized for rehabilitation based on the facilities and qualifications of the applicant or licensee.
(4) A wildlife rehabilitation license does not authorize the capture, receipt, possession, transportation or transfer of wildlife for any purpose other than wildlife rehabilitation.
***
Part (4) is the important part here. That section means that a person CANNOT capture a bird for any purpose other than wildlife rehabilitation. Since this bird was not sick and not injured, it was not in need of rehabilitation, and could not legally be captured. The statute does not allow someone to capture and hold a healthy bird because they thought that, at some uncertain point in the future, the bird *might* need rehabilitation.
Hummingbirds are not pets, no matter how far out of range they may be. We know that at least some out-of-range hummers return to their "wrong" wintering grounds in consecutive years.
The Wisconsin Humane Society had no legal right to take a healthy bird out of the wild.
The Wisconsin Humane Society should be prosecuted, and we hope that someone brings this matter to the attention of the Wisconsin DNR.
LET OUR MANGO GO!
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Guess who's back?
AMERICA'S FAVORITE FISH BREEDER!
Oh, c'mon, you know who he is, find the link for yourself!!!
Oh, c'mon, you know who he is, find the link for yourself!!!
Stop, Thief!!!
Who stole our Mango?
Mike Ramsden
Beloit, Rock County
***
The Beloit Mango has been rescued from the wild and is currently under the
care of a licensed rehabilitator. Reports are that it is eating and doing
well. I suspect that it will be transferred to the Brookfield Zoo in
Chicago when it is able. If I receive any new information I will be sure
and pass it along.
care of a licensed rehabilitator. Reports are that it is eating and doing
well. I suspect that it will be transferred to the Brookfield Zoo in
Chicago when it is able. If I receive any new information I will be sure
and pass it along.
Mike Ramsden
Beloit, Rock County
***
We think a rant is on the way. We're just curious, can anyone send us a copy of the permit under which this Mango was captured?
Friday, October 26, 2007
Dick Hollins IBWO Diary Day Seven: Dick's Demands
Dear Diary:
First, let me illustrate again why all birders are morons and don't care about conservation. I don't have any evidence on the conservation part, but I do have some on the moron part. Please read the idiotic comments below by someone named "Mike Collins." I don't know who that clown is, but he's not Mike Collins.
And just to clear up another point, *I* am not Mike Collins. I am Dick Hollins. Mike and Dick are not the same name. Neither are Collins and Hollins. Just because two names sound alike doesn't mean those people are the same person. Do idiot birders confuse Dick Cheney with Gerald McRaney? Chuck Norris with Buck Rogers? Tony Blair with the Blair Witch Project? Barack Osama with Obama bin Laden? Or Bill Clinton with Nelson Mandela? I don't think so. Stupid, stupid birders.
I don't even know Mike Collins, although I do know a Tom Collins fairly well, I usually see him just before I go out searching for Ivorybills. And yes, they are called "Ivorybills" (another idiotic comment posted below, by an idiot who thinks you "gradumate" from college--well, you can go fornicamate yourself, too) at Yale, I don't really give a rat's ass what they call them at Cornell or some pile of steaming crap university like LSU or Auburn.
Where was I. Yes, explaining why everyone else is stupid am I am not. That idiot birder/janitor who has been bothering me, Gary Graves, has somehow gotten himself appointed to a position of power in the Ivorybill Working Groiup. What a joke.
Now that jerk Sibley is at it again. His ruthless and destructive campaign of fear and intimidation is obviously having its intended effect. I have now been banned from BirdChat! Sibley, I know you're reading my diary. So read this: I give up. You win. I have been silenced by the enemies of conservation and those guys in Europe that protect the religious stuff that the guy that wrote the book with Tom Hanks with bad hair wrote about.
Hear me now, birders: I know stupid when I see it. You are stupid and I will no longer enable your (or Sibley's) stupidity. I am done. Hundreds of birders have asked for information on how to find Ivorybills over the past few years. I will no longer give out that information to birders. I will only give out Ivorybill locations to legitimate Ivorybill researchers such as Mary Scott, Mary Scott's bird whisperer, William Smith, and that guy who is also searching for Bigfoot. And possibly Jim Stevenson, if he agrees to shoot a few more cats.
I will be happy to offer this information again to even the dumbest birders if the following demands are met:
1) Gary Graves resigns from his position as janitor at the Smithsonian;
2) David Sibley agrees to retire from his "bird guide" hobby, and the Library of Congress, Borders, and Barnes & Noble agree to burn all copies of Sibley's books that are currently in print;
3) A public apology is made to me, and to Yale, by Cornell, LSU, and the entire "birding community;
4) Popular Mechanics fires the current corrupt editorial staff and publishes all of my original Ivorybill research -- unedited -- and puts a photo of me on the cover; and
5) I get a new car, a new kayak, and a portable jet-pack to assist in my Ivorybill research.
These are my demands. Meet them or you will not have Dick Hollins to push around anymore.
First, let me illustrate again why all birders are morons and don't care about conservation. I don't have any evidence on the conservation part, but I do have some on the moron part. Please read the idiotic comments below by someone named "Mike Collins." I don't know who that clown is, but he's not Mike Collins.
And just to clear up another point, *I* am not Mike Collins. I am Dick Hollins. Mike and Dick are not the same name. Neither are Collins and Hollins. Just because two names sound alike doesn't mean those people are the same person. Do idiot birders confuse Dick Cheney with Gerald McRaney? Chuck Norris with Buck Rogers? Tony Blair with the Blair Witch Project? Barack Osama with Obama bin Laden? Or Bill Clinton with Nelson Mandela? I don't think so. Stupid, stupid birders.
I don't even know Mike Collins, although I do know a Tom Collins fairly well, I usually see him just before I go out searching for Ivorybills. And yes, they are called "Ivorybills" (another idiotic comment posted below, by an idiot who thinks you "gradumate" from college--well, you can go fornicamate yourself, too) at Yale, I don't really give a rat's ass what they call them at Cornell or some pile of steaming crap university like LSU or Auburn.
Where was I. Yes, explaining why everyone else is stupid am I am not. That idiot birder/janitor who has been bothering me, Gary Graves, has somehow gotten himself appointed to a position of power in the Ivorybill Working Groiup. What a joke.
Now that jerk Sibley is at it again. His ruthless and destructive campaign of fear and intimidation is obviously having its intended effect. I have now been banned from BirdChat! Sibley, I know you're reading my diary. So read this: I give up. You win. I have been silenced by the enemies of conservation and those guys in Europe that protect the religious stuff that the guy that wrote the book with Tom Hanks with bad hair wrote about.
Hear me now, birders: I know stupid when I see it. You are stupid and I will no longer enable your (or Sibley's) stupidity. I am done. Hundreds of birders have asked for information on how to find Ivorybills over the past few years. I will no longer give out that information to birders. I will only give out Ivorybill locations to legitimate Ivorybill researchers such as Mary Scott, Mary Scott's bird whisperer, William Smith, and that guy who is also searching for Bigfoot. And possibly Jim Stevenson, if he agrees to shoot a few more cats.
I will be happy to offer this information again to even the dumbest birders if the following demands are met:
1) Gary Graves resigns from his position as janitor at the Smithsonian;
2) David Sibley agrees to retire from his "bird guide" hobby, and the Library of Congress, Borders, and Barnes & Noble agree to burn all copies of Sibley's books that are currently in print;
3) A public apology is made to me, and to Yale, by Cornell, LSU, and the entire "birding community;
4) Popular Mechanics fires the current corrupt editorial staff and publishes all of my original Ivorybill research -- unedited -- and puts a photo of me on the cover; and
5) I get a new car, a new kayak, and a portable jet-pack to assist in my Ivorybill research.
These are my demands. Meet them or you will not have Dick Hollins to push around anymore.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Stealing from the best.
OK, we are going to steal a story we first saw on another blog, but at least we're stealing from quality blogs. The linked story about a wild Flamingo from the Yucatan meeting up with an escapee Flamingo from Kansas in Louisiana is pretty amazing:
Stolen from Sibley
UPDATE:
Oops, that didn't make sense, we posted the wrong link. Here is the real flamingo story. Forget about us posting the LOS link, we're just too lazy.
Stolen from Sibley
UPDATE:
Oops, that didn't make sense, we posted the wrong link. Here is the real flamingo story. Forget about us posting the LOS link, we're just too lazy.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Wow--Another Midwest Frigatebird (Wisconsin)
Well, you can't blame this one on a hurricane. Where the hell are these birds coming from, and why?
http://my.execpc.com/CE/5F/idzikoj/misc/frigate.htm
The link doesn't seem to want to hyperlink, so just cut-and-paste.
http://my.execpc.com/CE/5F/idzikoj/misc/frigate.htm
The link doesn't seem to want to hyperlink, so just cut-and-paste.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Dick Hollins IBWO Diary: Day Six--Dick's Friend Finds a Nest!!!
Dear Diary:
I cannot withold my joy, because the world's foremost Ivorybill researcher. ny only equal in this field, is about to announce that he has found an Ivorybill nest. Yes, that's right, my colleague William Smith has reincarnated his web site and has a added a section (details to be added soon, I am sure of it!) on an Ivorybill nest.
Check it out: http://billismad.tripod.com/index.html
Your friend,
Dick
I cannot withold my joy, because the world's foremost Ivorybill researcher. ny only equal in this field, is about to announce that he has found an Ivorybill nest. Yes, that's right, my colleague William Smith has reincarnated his web site and has a added a section (details to be added soon, I am sure of it!) on an Ivorybill nest.
Check it out: http://billismad.tripod.com/index.html
Your friend,
Dick
Monday, October 15, 2007
Dick Hollins IBWO Diary: Day Five
Dear Diary:
First, I would like to thank bonsaibirder for his fine comment. We need more Japanese birders who are concerned about saving the Ivorybill. And to answer his question, yes, I do spend much of my time looking a A-Holes. I have closely inspected some very nice A-Holes, and I would post the photos, but for some reason my government Internet access won't allow those sort of photos online.
I don't have very much time today, as I am using some chewing gum to fix a leak in my canoe. All of that heavy chewing has aggravated my pelvis injury.
I do want to make a few comments about the biased reporting and scientific fraud being perpetrated by Popular Mechanics Magazine. As you know, PM has refused to publish my scientific research on the Ivorybill. This is utterly amazing, as my scientific credentials are beyond dispute. Whenever anyone disputes my scientific credentials, I remind them of my degree from Yale, and of my experience working for the federal government. In my federal government job, I deal with, literally, hundreds of scientific journals every day, including some of the most prestigious scientific journals in the world. While most postal employees cannot even read and just look at the magazines with the dirty pictures, I can read, and have therefore read many journal covers over my 40-year postal career. I even opened one once, but couldn't get past the second page.
Anyway, I talked to the editor of Popular Mechanics last week, and that fraud told me that my evidence was not worthy of his little magazine. Like I would even want to publish my ground-breaking research in a mgazine of such ill-repute. Still, his comments illustrate why I find birders, scientists, government officials, and editors, to be pathetic.
Again, I ask, who is this Sibley guy anyway? What qualifies him to be an expert in bird identification? That clown has been sitting on his haunches in his Ivory Tower drawing pretty pictures of birds he has never seen while I have been busting my hump -- on a government salary, no less -- in Oyster Swamp. Apparently Sibley and his buddies Cheney and Rumsfeld have convinced Popular Mechanics to bury my research. What is his agenda? Is he diverting conservation funds to his private oil-drilling platform off the coast of Massachuestts? I would like to see Sibley spend three months in the swamp and break his pelvis and wrestle crocs and disarm Navy Seals and then see if he can still draw his pretty little pictures. Only then will he have the right to criticize me.
I have written a song that explains how I feel about Sibley, I call it "Night Man," and Mr. BINAC has been nice enough to add it to his blog. The song is performed by Charlie Kelly, singer and keyboardist for my favorite band, Chemical Toilet. Look carefully and you will see me do a cameo at minute :40, I'm the guy with the long hair and green hat.
First, I would like to thank bonsaibirder for his fine comment. We need more Japanese birders who are concerned about saving the Ivorybill. And to answer his question, yes, I do spend much of my time looking a A-Holes. I have closely inspected some very nice A-Holes, and I would post the photos, but for some reason my government Internet access won't allow those sort of photos online.
I don't have very much time today, as I am using some chewing gum to fix a leak in my canoe. All of that heavy chewing has aggravated my pelvis injury.
I do want to make a few comments about the biased reporting and scientific fraud being perpetrated by Popular Mechanics Magazine. As you know, PM has refused to publish my scientific research on the Ivorybill. This is utterly amazing, as my scientific credentials are beyond dispute. Whenever anyone disputes my scientific credentials, I remind them of my degree from Yale, and of my experience working for the federal government. In my federal government job, I deal with, literally, hundreds of scientific journals every day, including some of the most prestigious scientific journals in the world. While most postal employees cannot even read and just look at the magazines with the dirty pictures, I can read, and have therefore read many journal covers over my 40-year postal career. I even opened one once, but couldn't get past the second page.
Anyway, I talked to the editor of Popular Mechanics last week, and that fraud told me that my evidence was not worthy of his little magazine. Like I would even want to publish my ground-breaking research in a mgazine of such ill-repute. Still, his comments illustrate why I find birders, scientists, government officials, and editors, to be pathetic.
Again, I ask, who is this Sibley guy anyway? What qualifies him to be an expert in bird identification? That clown has been sitting on his haunches in his Ivory Tower drawing pretty pictures of birds he has never seen while I have been busting my hump -- on a government salary, no less -- in Oyster Swamp. Apparently Sibley and his buddies Cheney and Rumsfeld have convinced Popular Mechanics to bury my research. What is his agenda? Is he diverting conservation funds to his private oil-drilling platform off the coast of Massachuestts? I would like to see Sibley spend three months in the swamp and break his pelvis and wrestle crocs and disarm Navy Seals and then see if he can still draw his pretty little pictures. Only then will he have the right to criticize me.
I have written a song that explains how I feel about Sibley, I call it "Night Man," and Mr. BINAC has been nice enough to add it to his blog. The song is performed by Charlie Kelly, singer and keyboardist for my favorite band, Chemical Toilet. Look carefully and you will see me do a cameo at minute :40, I'm the guy with the long hair and green hat.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Dick Hollins IBWO Diary: Day 4
Dear Diary:
My pelvis is already healing. Most people would need weeks or even months for a broken pelvis to heal, but I went to Yale and have a high tolerance for pain. The only downside is that I now may be sterile, but that's a small price to pay for saving a species from the brink of extinction.
I want to make a statement about some of the comments that have been made in response to my prior diary entries. First, only an idiot spends their time talking about birds on the Internet. I don't waste my time like others do on pointless endeavors such as that. Second, what kind of person writes anonymous posts on the Internet? To this person calling himself "Mike Hendrickson" I only have one word: You're an idiot. Why don't you post under your real name? Do you think my Dick's Diary is funny? Do you think the destruction of a noble species by the ornithological community is funny? Neither are funny. What I write is not intended for your petty amusement, it is intended only for serious researchers. If you have not seen an Ivorybill, you are an idiot and cannot possibly understand what I am talking about, and you are not welcome here.
To Cybertrash: You are welcome. Thank you for the clarification, and I apologize for your misunderstanding. I have been off of my medication since I injured my pelvis, and I just haven't been thinking straight lately. There are so few resources available to save the Ivorybill ($27 million is paltry compared to what NASA spends every year) that we should not be fighting amongst ourselves. I accept your apology.
Back to the matter at hand: My conversation with Geoff Hill. As you know, Hill is an ornithologist/birder with some ability. While I have mocked most of the ornithological and birding community, I respect Geoff, as he is not like most of the ornithological/birding community. He actually believes me, so he must be pretty smart. I know he's at Auburn now, but I believe it's possible he might have done his undergraduate work at Yale.
Here is what Geoff said to me: "Dick, you have the best evidence that I have seen for the continued existence of the Ivory-billed Woodpecker. Better than those boobs at Cornell, and better than our paltry efforts here in the Częstochowa." I know he was sincere, because when he used the words "best" and "evidence" he made "finger quotes" around both of those words. He also winked at the end of his endorsement. Geoff also said something to the effect that my evidence was simply unebilevable (I hear that word a lot!), and that he knew that no one else could ever reach my level of achievement.
Until next time, keep thinking of Dick!
My pelvis is already healing. Most people would need weeks or even months for a broken pelvis to heal, but I went to Yale and have a high tolerance for pain. The only downside is that I now may be sterile, but that's a small price to pay for saving a species from the brink of extinction.
I want to make a statement about some of the comments that have been made in response to my prior diary entries. First, only an idiot spends their time talking about birds on the Internet. I don't waste my time like others do on pointless endeavors such as that. Second, what kind of person writes anonymous posts on the Internet? To this person calling himself "Mike Hendrickson" I only have one word: You're an idiot. Why don't you post under your real name? Do you think my Dick's Diary is funny? Do you think the destruction of a noble species by the ornithological community is funny? Neither are funny. What I write is not intended for your petty amusement, it is intended only for serious researchers. If you have not seen an Ivorybill, you are an idiot and cannot possibly understand what I am talking about, and you are not welcome here.
To Cybertrash: You are welcome. Thank you for the clarification, and I apologize for your misunderstanding. I have been off of my medication since I injured my pelvis, and I just haven't been thinking straight lately. There are so few resources available to save the Ivorybill ($27 million is paltry compared to what NASA spends every year) that we should not be fighting amongst ourselves. I accept your apology.
Back to the matter at hand: My conversation with Geoff Hill. As you know, Hill is an ornithologist/birder with some ability. While I have mocked most of the ornithological and birding community, I respect Geoff, as he is not like most of the ornithological/birding community. He actually believes me, so he must be pretty smart. I know he's at Auburn now, but I believe it's possible he might have done his undergraduate work at Yale.
Here is what Geoff said to me: "Dick, you have the best evidence that I have seen for the continued existence of the Ivory-billed Woodpecker. Better than those boobs at Cornell, and better than our paltry efforts here in the Częstochowa." I know he was sincere, because when he used the words "best" and "evidence" he made "finger quotes" around both of those words. He also winked at the end of his endorsement. Geoff also said something to the effect that my evidence was simply unebilevable (I hear that word a lot!), and that he knew that no one else could ever reach my level of achievement.
Until next time, keep thinking of Dick!
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